What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
