She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
