No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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