Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
