he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
