It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
