That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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