I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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