I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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