two words: eviction party
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
