You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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