bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
why is half of my head shaved?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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