So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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