so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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