is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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