Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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