My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
