I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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