Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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