If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
