does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my liver is dry heaving
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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