my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
