I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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