Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
