oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
