he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
