How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
