If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
