I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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