I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need help removing her.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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