There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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