Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
