just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
