her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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