My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
