I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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