We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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