billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't turn off my feet"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
