hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
