I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i've created a new STD.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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