i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize