Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
