I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
