Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
