my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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