i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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