Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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