saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
