i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
