Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
