So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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