How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
