I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
