I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
