Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
