Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I could fuck to npr.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
