I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
