is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
