My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
