If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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