3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
