I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
