no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
