it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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