I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize