No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
