I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
