I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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