you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
