His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
